In the ever-evolving tapestry of social graces, one must stay abreast of the latest cultural phenomena to maintain an air of sophistication. Enter “Baila El Chiki Chiki,” Spain’s unforgettable 2008 Eurovision entry performed by the comedic genius Rodolfo Chikilicuatre.
Sporting an Elvis-esque persona, complete with a sparkly jumpsuit and a toy guitar, Rodolfo brought us a playful mix of humor, catchy rhythms, and energetic dance routines. The song’s light-hearted lyrics and flamboyant performance have etched it into the annals of Eurovision history.
But how does one reconcile such a spirited spectacle with the dignified world of high society?
Fear not!
We present to you the Flamboyantly Proper Gentleperson’s Guide to “Baila El Chiki Chiki”—a satirical manual that reimagines this vivacious dance within the hallowed halls of refined etiquette. Prepare your monocles and adjust your top hats; it’s time to elevate the Chiki Chiki!
On Mastering the Exquisitely Ridiculous Steps of the Chiki Chiki
The Chiki Chiki comprises four distinguished movements, each more delightfully absurd than the last. While the dance is often executed with exuberant gusto, we shall instruct you in a rendition befitting the most opulent of ballrooms, all while embracing a healthy dose of flamboyance.
Step One: The Breakdance (But Make It Aristocratic)
In its common form, the breakdance involves acrobatic spins and gravity-defying moves—hardly suitable for those in tails and tiaras. Instead, envision yourself as a swan gliding across a mirrored lake. A graceful pirouette, paired with an exaggerated flick of your silk handkerchief, will suffice. Should you feel daring, perhaps a subtle moonwalk in patent leather shoes to showcase your impeccable balance.
Step Two: The Crossed Step (With Extra Flourish)
The crossed step is an opportunity to showcase your coordination and flair. Cross one foot elegantly over the other, then execute a dramatic bow so deep that your feathered hat nearly touches the floor. Rise slowly, extending your arms wide as if to embrace the very essence of sophistication itself. Remember, the goal is to appear as though you are both partaking in a dance and summoning an opera.
Step Three: The Michael Jackson (Reimagined for the Elite)
While the original may involve bold moves like the crotch grab and high-pitched exclamations, we suggest a more genteel approach. Tilt your head slightly, raise one eyebrow in a display of mysterious allure, and glide forward smoothly. If you’re feeling particularly cheeky, a swift spin on your Italian leather heels will undoubtedly draw gasps of admiration from your peers.
Step Four: The Robocop (The Mechanical Marquis Edition)
Embrace the robotic essence with staccato movements, but infuse them with regality. Imagine you’re a clockwork nobleperson, each movement precise and deliberate. Extend your arms in calculated motions, perhaps mimicking the winding of a pocket watch. Your face should remain stoic, eyes gazing into the distance as if pondering the complexities of high tea arrangements.
On the Art of Flamboyant Decorum During the Dance
The lyrics encourage us to “dance doggystyle,” a directive we must reinterpret for our esteemed audience.
Instead, consider adopting the posture of a poised peacock—back straight, chin up, and feathers (or coattails) fanned out magnificently. Your movements should exude confidence and a touch of eccentricity, leaving onlookers both puzzled and enchanted.
When the song mentions, “Give that mulatta chiki chiki because the chiki chiki drives her crazy,” it’s essential to approach this with the utmost propriety.
Engage your dance partner in a series of intricate steps that showcase your mutual respect and shared enthusiasm for the absurd. Perhaps incorporate a synchronized fan flutter or a playful exchange of winks, all while maintaining a decorous distance.
On Appropriate Venues and Occasions for the Chiki Chiki Extravaganza
While the Chiki Chiki is enjoyed “in China and also in Alcorcón,” and even “in prison” and “at school,” one must select venues that reflect one’s elevated status—think grand ballrooms, royal courts, or perhaps a lavish soiree aboard an airship (should one be available).
In the curious case of “Father Damien’s wake, where the dead man started to dance,” we advise exercising discretion. If the deceased indeed rises to join the merriment, it’s only polite to offer a courteous nod and make room on the dance floor. After all, inclusivity is the hallmark of true gentility.
On Attire: Because Over-the-Top Is Just the Beginning
The song mentions a “mulatta dances it with panties in her hand,” which, while delightfully risqué, calls for a touch of adaptation. Gentlemen might consider waving a lace handkerchief embroidered with gold thread, while ladies could opt for a bejeweled fan—both symbols of elegance and a hint of whimsy.
For the truly daring, incorporate elements of Rodolfo’s style: perhaps a sequined waistcoat, a feathered fascinator, or even a bedazzled monocle. The key is to balance ostentatious flair with impeccable taste, leaving admirers both dazzled and slightly bewildered.
On Universal Participation: The More, The Merrier (and Merrier, and Merrier!)
“Baila El Chiki Chiki” celebrates inclusivity, noting that “heavies dance it, and so do freaks,” and even “my mother dances it, and so does my grandmother.” In this spirit, extend invitations far and wide. Encourage dukes and duchesses, artists and artisans, mavens and misfits alike to join in the revelry.
Consider hosting a themed masquerade ball where attendees can embody their most extravagant selves. The only rule? Leave all traces of mundanity at the door!
On Proper Speech and Witty Repartee
The song quotes Juan Carlos saying, “Why don’t you shut up?” While direct, such language lacks the subtlety befitting our circle. Should you need to quell an overzealous guest, opt for a more eloquent admonition like, “My dear fellow, might I suggest a moment of quiet contemplation?” or “Pray, let us allow the music to take centre stage.”
In moments of heightened excitement, feel free to interject with whimsical exclamations such as “Perrea, perrea!”—a delightful phrase that, when uttered with the right inflection, sounds both exotic and intriguingly nonsensical to the uninitiated.
On Embracing the Absurd with Unbridled Enthusiasm
At its core, “Baila El Chiki Chiki” is a celebration of joy, freedom, and the unabashed embrace of the ridiculous. As proper gentlepersons, it’s our duty to partake in such festivities with both enthusiasm and a knowing wink.
When the chorus implores us to “dance, dance, dance,” take it as a call to abandon the shackles of convention—if only for a moment—and revel in the shared delight of collective absurdity. After all, life’s most treasured memories are forged in moments of unrestrained laughter and spontaneous jollity.
Go Forth and Chiki Chiki with Flamboyant Finesse
Armed with this guide, you’re now ready to infuse the halls of high society with the irrepressible spirit of “Baila El Chiki Chiki.” Whether you’re leading the dance at a glittering gala or initiating a flash mob in a stately garden, do so with the confidence and flair that would make Rodolfo Chikilicuatre himself beam with pride.
Remember, true elegance lies not just in adherence to tradition, but in the courage to defy it with style. So adjust your crown, straighten your cape, and let the Chiki Chiki commence!
Join the Revelry at Adelaide’s Almost Eurovision Song Contest!
If you found this delightfully absurd, just wait until you experience the full spectacle! On December 18, Adelaide will host the Almost Eurovision Song Contest, a comedic musical parody that playfully reimagines Eurovision’s most iconic moments.
What Awaits You:
- Outlandish Performances: Witness your favorite Eurovision hits transformed into hilariously over-the-top acts.
- Interactive Comedy: Become part of the show as we blur the lines between audience and performer.
- A Night of Unforgettable Fun: Whether you’re a seasoned socialite or a curious newcomer, there’s a place for you on our dance floor.
Event Details
- Date: December 18
- Location: The Arts Theatre, Adelaide
- Tickets: Get onto the Wait List now so you don’t miss out
Final Flourish
So, dust off your most extravagant attire, practice your most flamboyant dance moves, and prepare to embrace the wonderfully whimsical world of the Almost Eurovision Song Contest. It’s time to “dance, dance, dance” like the gentleperson of grand absurdity you were always meant to be.
Perrea, perrea, darling—and we’ll see you there!
